Welcome To Galaadriel's Thoughts and Ramblings Page

The Questions/Articles of Interest:

The ambiguous gentleman

By Jason Davis

There are times in a relationship when a straight answer can be your worst enemy. On these dangerous occasions, ambiguity can be a valuable tool for evading uncomfortable silences. It's important to remember that the female method of accumulating knowledge is a more passive model than that of the male. Women prefer to let things come to them, while men are keen to go forth and declare. For example, a man might define what he's looking for in a woman and seek out that description, while a woman will more likely have a general idea, but be willing to adapt to a likely candidate that comes her way. Men are more rigid, while women are more flexible.

Men can exploit this difference in psychology by understanding that women often don't require the same level of precision than a man would when answering questions. If she asks for directions, she usually won't want you to detail the mileage between each two points on the route or an account of which lanes will be the most advisable to take on the way. Often, a list of landmarks she'll pass and corners at which to turn will suffice. Similarly, an explanation of the exact mechanical reasons for changing the oil in the car will provide her with more information than she will want. Just tell her how often it should be done and the particulars of why can be left unsaid.

How does this apply to relationships? Glad you asked. Sometimes it's not always necessary to exhaust every fact at your disposal when answering a woman's question. Because of the foregoing psychology, a healthy dose of ambiguity can often make difficult answers easier to take. If, for example, she asks you about a disagreement between her and a family member, ambiguity will be your ally. Whereas one side or the other may be clearly to blame in your mind, it is likely that a declaration of guilt on either side will lead you into conflict. If she was in the wrong, you're taking their side. If they were in the wrong, you're attacking her family. Here, it's important to say what she needs to hear without saying too much. Try to avoid assigning any blame and focus on bringing the two sides into agreement. In this way, you’ll appear to favor her without condemning the other side.

Another opportunity for ambiguity's employment rests in the classic “Twenty Questions” scenario that often leads men into dangerous waters. Women love to ask questions and men often seek to answer definitively in a way that reflects what the man thinks the woman wants to hear. This has the unfortunate side effect of locking the man into a statement that he may regret later. It's important to remember that women never forget conversations like these and your answers can return to haunt you for years after you’ve issued them. Once again, vague is in vogue. Never issue a definitive statement, and you can't be held accountable if you fail to live up to it. Politicians do this day in and day out; ambiguity is on their side, and a successful relationship can be built on the uncertainty of your answers. There are, of course, occasions where ambiguity of any kind is deadly, like if she asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You'd better be definitive in your response.

 

(January 04')

Article from ivillage

What Men Want at 20, 30 and 40

20: THE MORE THE MERRIER
"I'm a legs and butt man," says Andrew, a 23-year-old stockbroker. He explains, "My first thought when I see a woman is, 'Do I want to have sex with her?' That cuts out 70 percent right away. At this stage of my life I'm not particularly looking for anything long-lasting." That's probably because most male twenty-somethings have one burning desire: to build a successful career. In terms of women, well, the more the merrier. Men in their twenties want a pretty woman, an ornament on their arm to show their boss and the world: "Hey, I must be really cool to attract such a hot babe."

There's a hope at the end of this semi-shallow tunnel of youth: As men in their twenties age, they begin learning from experience. "You get knocked around a few times by women with big knockers and you realize a pretty face isn't everything," says 27-year-old Peter, a marketing consultant. "But I'm still initially attracted to someone's looks. So any busty blondes reading this can contact me through the Website. But I also want a woman who's sensitive because, hey, I got feelings."

30: STABILITY -- AND SANITY
Jim, a comic, recalls, "When I was seven I wanted a girl who could make a good sand castle. At 17, she just had to be stacked. At 27, she couldn't want to be my wife. Now that I'm 30 I want somebody sane and stable. The bottom line: While a cute tush still makes my head turn, it's the gray matter that keeps me interested."

As he enters his thirties, a man's taste in women definitely changes. After the initial experimental stage where he dates a lot of people, he looks for a woman to fill certain roles, like wife and mother. Another way to put it: He's refining his taste. He knows he can't spend all his time in bed. The mid-to-late thirties are often the period when men give in to their urge to settle down. At 39, Paul, a computer consultant, is no longer looking to date, but to mate. "I want someone who looks like a good baby-maker, not an anorexic who's afraid to put a cookie in her mouth."

40: COMPANIONSHIP
Men in this age range still think a roll in the hay is nice, but now they're more eager for substance. They want to be nurtured. If you're up for the job, the 40s man may be yours for the taking. Many of them are burnt out, making tons of money and lonely as hell because they have no one to share their success. Still not convinced? Listen to 41-year-old Stuart, a computer systems VP. "Now that I'm in my wise forties, I'm more interested in the character of the person than the package it comes in. Is she caring? Is she as giving as she is taking? Those are the questions I ask myself about the women I meet."

The aphrodisiac for Stuart, as for many over-40 men, is compatibility. If there isn't a certain comfort level with a woman at this stage of a man's life, a relationship can be very frustrating. Bob, a 41-year-old advertising executive, knows this frustration. "It would be easier to meet someone if my primary interest was looks. But if I don't connect with someone in a cerebral way, I lose interest fast. I want to be with someone who laughs at my jokes, who'll take care of me when I'm sick, and let me take care of her. This seems like a mission impossible."

Yes, the 40s man is sensitive, but he's also prone to mid-life crises and heavy-duty alimony payments. Find this disheartening? Just keep in mind that some of the most compatible love matches are between older women and younger men. Why? These two age grooves are actually the most sexually in sync of any combo out there. Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson.

 

January 04')

Article from ivillage

10 Rules of Chivalry Every Guy Should Know -- But Doesn't!

  • Polite boys stand when a girl enters the room, and when she departs. Actually, everyone, regardless of gender, should stand when an elder, or a very important person, enters or leaves.

     
  • Boys should open doors for girls. Please actually hold the door for the girl, instead of merely flinging it open and running through, leaving her to sprint through before it slams. Open the door and step to the side while the girl passes through (perhaps saying, "After you," if she hesitates). At this point, the girl should politely thank the boy. He then says, "You're welcome," and, when she is through the door, goes through it himself. See, dear reader, this is really quite simple!

     
  • Girls precede boys through every door except revolving doors. Boys, if you encounter a revolving door when you are walking with a girl, you should enter it first so that you may push the door. (Of course, you should not push it too fast, so that the girl has to leap like a gazelle to enter the revolving door you've set spinning out of control.)

     
  • Boys graciously give up their seats on buses, trains, etc., when all the seats are taken and a girl is forced to stand. Simply say, "Excuse me, please take my seat." He should also offer to assist her with her luggage, especially if she is obviously attempting to heave her heavy Pullman suitcase onto the awkwardly placed luggage rack. (Girls, of course, should immediately thank the boy for his kindness.) Again, the same principle applies to when the elderly, the infirm, the obviously frail, or the pregnant are standing, no matter your, or their, gender.
    		•
     
  • It is very nice for a boy to help a girl into her coat. Just stand behind her and hold the coat by the shoulders while she puts her arms into it. There is no need, however, for you to button it up for her, or help her on with her mittens.

     
  • In a bar, if there is no table service, it's nice for the boy to fetch the drinks.

     
  • Very old-fashioned, polite boys sometimes order for a girl in a restaurant. Now, if you're going to do this, you should inquire what the girl would like to eat before placing the order with the waitress. It would be very bad for her to have to correct you because she breaks out in terrible hives when she eats shrimp, for example. Also, you really have to be a traditional, perfectly chivalric boy to pull this off with grace, since your waiter probably isn't going to expect it.

     
  • If a boy has asked a girl out on a date, he should pay. This is just the polite thing to do. If for some reason the girl has done the asking, then the responsibility of paying is hers. Under no circumstances should anyone on a first date reach for the check and demand the other party pay up! In longer-term relationships, you may find yourselves switching off occasionally, as both parties will be making plans, and this is fine. I think it's nicer to alternate than to have both of you reaching for your wallets every single time you go out.

     
  • When you are taking seats at a theater, concert hall, movie theater, church, lecture hall, etc., the girl precedes the boy into the row of seats. In a restaurant, when the maitre d' is leading you to your table, the girl precedes the boy.

     
  • When a girl is taking a seat at a table, the boy pulls out her chair for her. This is a maneuver that takes a bit of practice to be done gracefully, however.
    • (August/September 03')

     

     

    Men Women Love
    Article by Randy Hecht, Match.com 
     
    "What do women want?" Freud asked - and he was a married man. If he couldn't figure it out, do you have any hope of finding the answer to that question - and, in the process, finding the woman of your dreams?

     
    Sure you do. Remember, he made a career out of overcomplicating the matter. You don't need to grasp universal truths (real or imagined, Freudian or otherwise) about women to answer the question. You just need to be who you are and let your best qualities attract the woman who is best for you. Everybody knows that you menfolk come in a variety of shapes and sizes, with different personalities and talents; so whether you're brainy, brawny, athletic or artistic, there's bound to be a woman out there for you. Listed below are some of the types of guys women love:
     
    1. The jock
    It's not all about being cut and having nice, tight abs - though those attributes certainly have their appeal. What we like about you is that you're not one of life's spectators. You're active, out there and doing things, and your energy is sexy. Bonus points if you admire and encourage our athleticism, too.
     
    2. The intellectual
    Conversations with you are full of happy surprises. We don't know how you keep track of all of those historical, scientific, political and other tidbits, but you sure keep us entertained with what you know. And you can't imagine what a pleasure it is to be with a guy who appreciates our smarts as well.
     
    3. The creative type
    Dating you can be a bit of a wild ride - but that's fine with us; we crave the unconventional. Whether it's your way with wordplay, your eye-opening perspectives on popular culture, or just your knack for finding a great new independent film, band or restaurant, you keep us on our toes. No need to worry about getting stuck in a mainstream rut with you.
     
    4. The family man
    Oh, the joy of dating a man who does not complain incessantly about his parents and who loves the idea of starting a family of his own. And let's be honest here: When you're happy to join us on a Saturday matinee outing with our kids or nieces and nephews, our hearts do skip a beat. It may not be flashy, but stability has its own brand of sex appeal.
     
    5. The strong silent type
    Silent doesn't mean uncommunicative. It signifies a comfort level between us that doesn't require constant idle chatter. You say more with one look than dozens of guys have managed to tell us with their best dating routines. You have a thousand times more confidence (the quiet kind, not the screaming ego variety) than they ever did, and that makes us fall hard for you.
     
    6. The genuine nice guy
    Women say they want a nice guy ... and they do. Who wouldn't appreciate a guy who calls when he says he will, remembers our birthdays and other important moments in our lives, and actually listens to us? You may think, "Big deal, anyone can do that." But not everyone does. You do, and that makes you incredibly special to us.

    Galaa's 2 cents: I prefer the Genuine, Creative, Intellectual type. Is that asking to much??? :P

     

    (July/August 03')

    ivillage by Mr.  Answer Man
      Do guys like it when a woman makes the first move?

     

    Mr. Answer Man says: If you're already in a relationship with a guy, the answer is yes, men love it when the woman makes the first move. It's exciting, makes the man feel wanted and allows him to express himself more confidently as things progress. If, however, you're at the beginning of a relationship that hasn't gotten physical yet, the answer is no -- if you put your arm around him and then lean in for the kiss, it will weird him out.
     
    The thing is, it almost never happens. Even the most sexually aggressive woman isn't usually making a move per se; she's just making it very clear that she wants the guy to. But do guys like that? Definitely. In fact, they lie awake at night dreaming about it.
     
    But Mr. Answer Man knows what you're thinking: "I thought I was making it really clear!" Sometimes men are dense -- here are five ways to enlighten them:
     
    1. Invite him in. A beverage makes the best excuse: "Would you like to come in for a ... "
     
    2. Touch him. On the forearm with your hand is easiest, but on the upper arm with your breast is better. Also, the closer you can comfortably sit or stand, the better.
     
    3. Shower him with approval. Laugh at his jokes. Look him in the eyes and smile. Respond positively to the things he says. Men find all these things encouraging.
     
    4. If the conversation lulls, let it. Guys generally get silent before they bust a move -- don't chase the moment away.
     
    5. Ask a totally provocative question. How are you at foot rubs? Are you a good kisser? What time do you have to get up? You get the idea ...
     

    Galaa's 2 cents: I totally agree with this guy. Guys are usually dense, but also they just do not think about things the way we do. I have many guy friends who have confirmed this. A totally clear flirting action, may send the guy into utter confusion. I guess it is just one of those things. Once I had a crush with whom I had tried all the above flirting actions and he still did not get it. Maybe he was extremely dense or perhaps purposely seeming so? Who knows...I never went any further to find out. ~tw

    Do you think Mr. Answer Man is right? Let us know what you think and ask your own questions here.

    Find more Mr. Answer Man here.
     

    (June/July-03)

    10 Reasons He Didn't Call:
    By Margot Carmichael Lester
    From Match.com
     
    He said he'd call, but didn't. Why not? Women everywhere are dying to know.

     
    Here's what our pool of eligible bachelors and annoyed females had to say:
     
    10. Mental block
    “If I was drunk, I might not really remember the person who goes along with the number,” admits Bert, a banker in Newark, Delaware. “Or I might have lost it.”
     
    9. The list
    “Some gents are building up their very own ‘I'm Bored/In Case of Emergency’ directory,” says Rachel, an administrative secretary in Manhattan. “You won’t hear from them in the next week or so, but you’ll get a last-minute invitation to a party months later.”
     
    8. Burn unit
    “I’ve had a few women give me wrong numbers,” says Al, a professor at the University of Minnesota. “After a couple of burns, you wonder if this new woman’s lying, too — and you’d rather not find out the hard way.”
     
    7. Social grace(less)
    “Some men have no idea how to end a conversation tactfully,” says Darlene, a Boston-based business reporter. “They ask for a number because they don't have the backbone just to say, ‘Nice to meet you’ and walk away.”
     
    6. Dream girls
    “Sometimes, I don’t call because I wake up the next morning thinking she’s out of my league,” admits Danny, a marketing executive in Houston. “I figure I’ll save her the trouble of rejecting me by not calling. It’s pretty pathetic, actually.”
     
    5. Improving the pool
    “I get many numbers over the course of the evening, and then rate them,” says Anthony, an attorney in New Iberia, Louisiana. “I’ll call the one I like the best. But if she rejects me, I feel it’s too late to call choices 2 and 3. So I just start over.”
     
    4. Instant gratification
    “When we get your number, it’s because we're interested in you at that time and place,” says Roy, an entrepreneur in San Francisco. “But actually using the number means too much effort. Dinner, a date, which won't happen without many more calls and emails back and forth, then a second date... a third... and gosh, we don't even know if we really like you.”
     
    3. The uncertainty principle
    “If I ask for your number or email, at best, I’m not certain I’m into you,” notes Nigel, a radiologist in Durham, N.C. “If I really wanted to go out with you, I’d go ahead and ask for a date.”
     
    2. Vanity
    “Some guys collect numbers for self-esteem,” divulges Lawrence, a product designer in Los Angeles. “He has no intention of calling her — hell, he might not even like her — but he wants to see if she likes him.”
     
    1. Betting man
    “Getting or giving digits is like dropping a quarter in a slot machine,” says Ted, a writer in Las Vegas. “It may or may not pay off for either of you, but it's a harmless gamble and a bit of fun. What have you got to lose, other than the quarter?”

    Galaa's 2 cents: This is pretty interesting. I have not had this happen as yet to me but if it does I will have a few ideas to perhaps why. Guys just need to be direct, no games, no BS. Don't ask for the digits if you don't intend to use it. Karma baby! ~tw

     

     

     

    Five Myths About Women
    Article by Randy Hecht, Match.com 
     
    When it comes to gender, it's easy to generalize: Women like shopping; men like cars. Women like to soak in bubble baths; men like to toss power tools around. But in reality, most would agree that a person's likes, dislikes and desires are highly individual and not based purely on a single determinant such as biological sex. Here's a look at five major myths that exist about women — and reasons why such beliefs are probably better thrown by the wayside.

     
    1. We're all in a big hurry to marry and start a family
    Sure, some of us are. But so are some men. And we don't all view dating as a search-and-destroy mission whose sole aim is to get to the altar — and from there to the maternity ward — as fast as possible. More than a few of us go out with you for the same reason you go out with us — to have a good time and see what happens.
     
    2. We need men for physical protection and financial security
    Unless we're actually being attacked, macho heroics can be a serious turnoff, so it's not necessary to lunge at every guy who looks at us in a bar. We can take care of ourselves financially, too; our careers are important to us, and we don't need to be "rescued" from them. Want us to need you? Be communicative and supportive; listen to us; offer us empathy and not just problem solving; show us we can count on you emotionally; and treat us like partners.
     
    3. As twenty-somethings, we're eager to date forty-something men
    Yes, it's possible that a 21-year-old could have a great relationship with a 48-year-old. But if your dating radar is focused exclusively on women who are 10, 15, 20 or more years younger than you, you're sending out a clear message about your immaturity — not your youthfulness.
     
    4. Single and over 35 means we're bitter beyond redemption
    We may not have made a permanent commitment, but we've had satisfying careers, friendships and relationships. We've explored our interests and the world. In other words, we have not kept our lives on hold waiting for true love to kick in. All in all, that makes us pretty attractive women.
     
    5. We say we want a nice guy, but it's not true
    Yes, you know some women — maybe many women — who have gone out with one jerk after another. And if you're in a dating drought, it must be tempting to think we want to date jerks. Don't go there. Be the nice guy. Be a good friend. And don't hesitate to follow your heart when it wants you to be a good friend and something more, too. The woman who responds to you will be the one who appreciates you for who you are.

    Galaa's 2 cents: Although, I think  these are some strange Myths, I found this mildly amusing, being written by a guy. I'd like to see a woman's version of this article. ~tw

     

     

    Top 10 Turn-Ons For Women!!!!!

    by Margot Carmichael Lester, Match.com

    What turns women on? Ask anyone, and you'll get a different answer. Rock hard abs? Flowers for no reason? Confidence and compliments? Turning a woman on is complicated, like mixing the perfect martini. Fear not, though!

    Here are the 10 basic ingredients:

    1. Intelligence
    "I don't need a genius," says Janelle, 25, "but I want him to be up on current events and able to articulate his views." Caution: Don't let facts outweigh feelings. They both count in a woman's world.

    2. Sense of humor.
    "A guy who makes me laugh — whether he's hilariously funny or deliciously wry — is a total turn-on," notes Maresa, 42. Don't fret if you're not a natural comedian. The ability to laugh at yourself, act like a goof or communicate your slightly skewed views on life goes a long way.

    3. Passion.
    "A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing," says Bette, 33. "Engaging that passion when it comes to me and our relationship is almost irresistible."

    4. Consideration.
    "A thoughtful man is a beautiful thing," says Catie, 29. "Caring about what I think and how I feel is very charming." Bonus tip: Basic manners are an early indicator. Open the door for her, ask about her day, etc.

    5. Honesty.
    "When a man opens up to me — especially about something personal — it shows he respects me," relates Leslie, 38. "And there's a sweet vulnerability about it that's really endearing." Caution: Don't overdo it. She doesn't need to know how many women you've dated before her.

    6. Flexibility.
    "I like a guy who's confident and daring enough to be spontaneous, but I also appreciate when he's got a plan and follows through with it," says Britt, 40. "That sounds contradictory, but if he knows how to do both, he'll reap serious rewards."

    7. Serenity.
    "There's something alluring about a man with a positive outlook on life," says Becca, 36. "Give me a guy who doesn't let the little things get to him."

    8. Balance.
    "All work and no play make Johnny a lonely boy. "It's a total turnoff to date someone who's unable to balance work and hobbies with a relationship," notes Kenna, 43. "Ambition and drive are great in the right measure, but if he continually puts work or the gym ahead of me, it's over."

    9. Ambition.
    "I'm attracted to men who know what they want and go after it," explains Treichelle, 23, "but they also have to be willing to be led."

    10. Attentiveness.
    "A fella who goes out of his way to make me feel special is hard to pass up," says Jackie, 32. "I'm not looking for grand gestures. Bring me a shell from the beach. Call me when I'm sick. Those little things count a lot."

    Galaa's 2 cents:  Many of these so true prolly for most of us gals. Although there are so many other turn ons not listed this is a good list.  I would have to say my top 5 turn ons (using this list) would have to be: Intelligence, Passion, Sense of Humor, Consideration and Flexibility.  ~tw

    It's nice to hear other views on these articles/questions! email me

     

     


    10 Steamy Books to Read in Bed
    compiled by various internet webpages

    Enjoy!
    Now that you're all grown up, the phrase "bedtime story" may have different implications than it did when you two were tiny tots. For some adult-only bedtime reading that will most likely keep you "up" rather than put you two to sleep, scan our list of ten pillow books, must-haves for your bedside bookshelf.


    1. The Complete Kama Sutra Translated by Alain Danielou
    Pillow book of pillow books, this classic Indian love manual is still as fresh and frisky today as it was centuries ago. Several versions of this guide are out there, from the original text and illustrated versions to abridged editions (a.k.a. "the good bits"). Browse your bookstore for the version that best turns on your motor or check out our pick.

    2. Lady Chatterly's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
    This erotic literary masterpiece was actually banned in Britain until 1960 and traces a steamy affair between a sexually unfulfilled upper-class wife and her husband's gamekeeper. Much better than the normal handyman fantasy.

    3. Delta of Venus by Anais Nin .
    A frank look at sexual encounters about a hundred steps above "Penthouse Forum," this erotic novel by Henry Miller's pal Nin just may set your pants on fire.

    4. Forever... by Judy Blume
    Yep, the same book that titillated you as a junior-high student. Believe us when we tell you that the same stuff that turned you on then still works

    5. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
    Miller made a name for himself by exploiting his own sexual adventures. Millions already have had their fancies tickled by his books. Why not jump on the bandwagon?

    6. The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon by Sei Shonagon
    If you were captivated by "Memoirs of a Geisha," check out the original. Written in the tenth century, this book depicts a courtesan's life in her own words. Highly passionate, this memoir will leave both of you breathless.

    7. The Best American Erotica 2001 edited by Susie Bright
    Let your fingers do the walking and choose each evening's bedtime story from this collection of short fiction.

    8. Story of O by Pauline Reage
    Don't take it too seriously, and the story of a fashion photographer who succumbs to erotic degradation is fun. For an evening of steamy bedroom reading -- especially if the idea (or reality) of submission turns you on -- this novel is ideal.

    9. Vox: A Novel by Nicholson Baker
    Baker's fictional transcript of anonymous phone sex is full of both male and female fantasies. Turn it into your own bedtime theater by taking turns reading both sides of the conversation.

    10. Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland
    A romping "memoir" written in 1749, the story was called "a most licentious and inflaming book" at the time. A prostitute's rise to respectability is bawdy, 18th-century fun at its best.

    Galaa's 2 cents:     Pick up one of these books. There is nothing as great as improving one's mind with extensive reading on a variety of topics. And yes I do heed my own advice. I have actually read a couple on this list.( The complete Kama Sutra, Lady Chatterly's Lover, Delta of Venus and the Story of O.  So far none that disappoints. My fav?  The Complete Kama Sutra. ;) ~tw
    More to come....

    ©Copyright 2005,Galaadriel

                                                              Home          About Me         Gallery          T &R             Links       What's New                   

                                                  Created by TAW